the future is bright

It seems I am at a stage in my life where opportunities are flying my way and I am so excited for the future and then things take a 180 and I feel utterly hopeless about everything and nothing seems to be going anywhere and vice versa. It's strange. I don't know if I am either very happy or very depressed. I have been running a lot (and I mean a lot, I have a half marathon in less than two weeks!) so maybe my endorphins have been doing an alright job at combating the depression but who really knows. Anyway, it is a very strange stage in my life.

I say that stuff about feeling depressed but now that I think about it my endorphins recently have been doing a great job because the good definitely outweighs the bad. I get excited more than I get mopey.

This must not just be a me thing - people my age have to be feeling the same way. At the end of college my friends and I were so ready to graduate but still very sad to be leaving. There were lots of tears. Lots. But there was also talk about moving on to bigger and maybe seemingly better things. I think all transitional stages are like this and that's just where I've found myself again!

All of this being said, I have an interview on Tuesday that sounds pretty great (it would be an actual paying job !!!!!) and I was just sent a job listing from a friend (who is the best!) that I am for sure applying for that sounds absolutely amazing. Will either of these work out? I don't know. Maybe not! But they sure make the future seem pretty bright.

Until tomorrow,

Caroline

Being honest with myself

It's hard to be honest with yourself sometimes. It's like if someone punches you (I don't mean really punching you, c'mon! Not cool to joke about with all this NFL stuff going on) and you say, "hey, that hurts!" and then the person who does it says, "no it doesn't! I'll do it to myself!" Then they might try to recreate the hit but it's definitely not the same. Yeah, you can never actually do it to yourself because you're not going to hurt yourself. Well, yes, that long drawn out story was actually a great comparison to being honest with yourself. Sometimes, we can't be honest with ourselves because we don't want to admit what's true.

I posted a while ago that there are things that I don't like to admit to myself and then after admitting them on here I felt better. Well, here is another thing that I don't like to admit, I sometimes don't like to be honest with myself because I don't want to get hurt. I don't feel as much better as I did last time.

We all gotta own up eventually and be honest with ourselves.

I'm gonna try and sleep now.

Until next time,

Caroline

You can be the juiciest peach, but...

I recently have come to grips that some people will just not like other people. Or some people will find some things that people do cute or charming while others do not. It's just like what they say: "You can be the sweetest, juiciest peach in the world, but there will always be someone who doesn't like peaches." A few weeks ago I went to a Nationals game with two of my friends from high school and a bunch of their friends from college. I ended up sitting at the end so when two of my friend's friends came late they both sat next to me. I tried to strike up a conversation with the guy who had been so lucky to be seated next to me, but he was just not having it. He was an Orioles fan so I tried to bring up things about the team, I know a few things, but he would give me short answers and then talk to his friend on the other side of him about who knows what not including me. I mean, maybe he was nervous and shy but maybe he was an outgoing guy who just didn't want to have anything to do with me. He could be one of the ones who doesn't like peaches I suppose.

It's not completely weird that someone wasn't jumping at the chance to become great friends with me. I can think of a couple of times when someone has decided that they didn't like me after not really knowing me. One girl, who was in a high school spanish class of mine, once said to some other girl that said to me, "I just don't like her because she's too nice." That was the first time I'd heard that someone didn't like another person because they were, "too nice" and that was definitely completely weird to me. How can someone not like someone for being too nice?? I guess if they were too nice in a creepy way but I didn't think I was creepy. It was just very bizarre.

I don't think I am very delusional, actually, I think I am usually pretty perceptive about how people are feeling. I can take a hint...usually. But, there are times when I think someone is a peach person and it turns out they ended up taking to a new fruit, perhaps nectarines, without me taking the hint! That, I did not understand so well and now have to get used to. I guess we all have tastebuds that mature or we can lose taste in things. If we didn't lose taste in things we'd all still be wearing cavemen clothing! Or worse, I'd still be listening to Yellowcard on repeat! It can be a good thing in the long run. Change can be scary but there are bigger and better things out there for us, like good music, for example.

Just something to think about and be grateful for.

Until next time,

Caroline    

SatC + Running

I meant to post this Friday. I got a little distracted Friday. Here it is today!

I've found that the most enjoyable part of my week has been running on the treadmill while watching Sex and the City. I've seen Sex and the City a few times. I knew who the characters were and their main significant others but I didn't know how much I'd like it and even relate to the show. That's really weird to say because I am not living on my own in New York with Manolos and I am not doing anything in the show that the women are doing but for some reason I just really relate. I think it's because it's a show about women and I am a woman. A young woman but a woman nonetheless. It's funny when I watch because there are lots of moments where I cringe a bit or I have to look away or I have to kind of squeal and then I remember I am in a gym with mostly elderly people around so I need to take it down a notch. I am a dramatic show watcher. My friends can attest to that.

Here's what else I've been loving this week. Likes:
1. Cooking with friends
2. My starred playlist on Spotify
3. Ice water with lemons and cucumbers

Dislikes:
1. Being home by myself
2. Being jealous
3. Feeling hopeless

And for all of you who are wondering, I am definitely a Carrie.

Until next time,

Caroline

Knuckleball!

Last night I was in the mood to watch a documentary so I scrolled through Netflix and found Knuckleball!, which told the story of two recent knuckleballers and their baseball careers. One, Tim Wakefield, was until a few years ago a long-time pitcher for the Boston Red Sox and the other, R.A. Dickey, is currently a starting pitcher for the Toronto Blue Jays but the documentary told his story of success with the New York Mets. It started off a little slow but by the end I was pretty moved. You hear about all these pitchers who are known for their power and fastballs but these two guys, developed a pitch that doesn't involve a lot of strength or velocity but brought them great success and notoriety. This being the knuckleball, of course. What made the documentary interesting was that both men didn't experience much success at first. Really, it was a lot like a roller coaster. They both ran into a lot of rejection and I mean a lot.

The documentary goes into why the knuckleball is a very unusual pitch and the uncertainty of its result. While it is a very deceiving pitch traveling at sometimes as slow as 60 MPH it can also be a wild pitch that is very hard to catch and can hurt as much as it can help. Many pitchers today do not have the knuckleball in their cache of pitches and don't ever learn it.

Tim Wakefield was on top of the world when he first became a pitcher for the Pittsburgh Pirates, which was after he completely failed at hitting and a coach noticed his knuckleball as he was goofing off with a teammate. He switched to pitching and won an astounding number of games that year becoming a knuckleball legend but the very next year he lost more than won was cut from the team. When he signed with the Red Sox not too long after his career took off but was demoted from starting pitcher to the guy who would come in if one of the other starting pitchers weren't performing as well as the could for a long time. During one game, he fills in for a starter who had been out for the flu and completely shocks everyone with an unbelievable outing. Once again, he became a starting pitcher and eventually won 200 games by the end of his career at the age of 44.

The documentary obviously fills in the gaps I left out about the ups and downs of his pitching career but I'll leave that for you to learn by watching it. Something that really stuck with me and applies so well to the careers of both Tim Wakefield and R.A. Dickey and probably to everything else anyone can do is to accept defeat but do not be defeated. If you love something, stick with it. Work on it. Persevere. If you are rejected one time or many times don't give up. If Tim Wakefield gave up when he was not performing as a position player he would have never even gotten the chance to be a pitcher and win any games let alone 200 games. I'm going to try my hardest to remember that whenever I experience defeat or rejection or failure. It's something we should all think about.

I'm going to leave it at that. It's about time for me to go to my internship.

Until next time,

Caroline

Freefest 2014

So last year I went to Virgin Mobile Freefest at Merriweather Post Pavilion. Oh my gosh it was an amazing day. I saw a bunch of cool bands with a few of my friends. What could be better? Well, this year Freefest was cancelled due to reasons I still am not very sure of. My friends loved last year's Freefest so they put on their own today with my friend's band, Little League Champs, as the headliner. It was so much fun. I drank (lots of water I'm not joking, it was so hot), danced, and made friends with people I didn't know.

The real Freefest would have been awesome to go to again but I think this was probably better. Here is my favorite picture from the day:

"You on candid camera now!"

If you've seen Scary Movie 1 you know that quote. Anyway, that is my friend who I told to turn around and jam out. I think it turned out great! It's on my instagram if you care to know!

Afterwards my friend (above pictured) and my other friend (not pictured) went to get dinner and then I came home before a thunderstorm broke out. It was a fun day and I'm glad there was some sort of Freefest put on this year!

Until next time,

Caroline 

summer likes + dislikes

I haven't been posting regularly in a long time so I haven't been able to write down my likes and dislikes of the week regularly! I really missed thinking up those. It was fun to go back and see what I really liked and what I really disliked on those past Fridays...well now I can pick it right back up. I'm going to do things a little bit differently this time. Since I haven't done it in a long time I'm going to do my likes and dislikes of the summer. I'll write my 15 likes and 10 dislikes. I'm trying to keep things more on the positive side.

Likes:
1. 90.9 WETA - that is the classical radio station I listened to everyday and still do!
2. Keeping up with the news via the NPR news breaks every half hour on WETA
3. Nationals in 1st place + going to Nats' games
4. Coffee crap (coffee creamer, that's just what my parents call it because they think it's crap)
5. One Direction
6. Essiebutton vlogs - They went on a trip through Scandinavia that they vlogged and I watched every single episode. It was so good, I didn't want it to end.
7. Sally Hansen base coat + top coat - Wow, kept my nail polish on for so long.
8. my two h&m basic t-shirts that I wore to death
9. My cream colored Converse sneakers I bought before my internship started
10. The unbelievably cool summer weather
11. DC trips with my friends
12. My fellow interns who worked at camp with me and everyone who worked at the camp. Also, the people at my internship I started last week.
13. Guardians of the Galaxy - Chris Pratt...I don't need to say any more.
14. Going to the batting cages and the driving range with my dad
15. Seeing a lot of my family in beautiful California
Extra!!! 16. This Cuyana bag

Dislikes:
1. Period cramps - Yep, we're getting right to it.
2. Bratty kids
3. Black paint
4. Some of the side effects of coffee...you know the ones. Not cool.
5. The wifi at my house - Thankfully now we have a new modem or router, I forget which is which. The internet works great now.
6. Attending funerals
7. Being hungover at work - Yes, that did happen once. I will never again do that.
8. Making sucky life choices - Hopefully I can make less in the future.
9. Not having a regularly paid job
10. Just knowing that I won't be going back to school this fall. Oh, that's the worst of them all.

It was nice to think back on the things that happened while I wasn't blogging. Keep an eye out for next Friday when I go over my likes and dislikes of just the past week.

Until next time,

Caroline

life updates + exciting new Spotify playlist

Here are a few life updates: I gave up coffee this week and I've been running! Another update: I made a September 3.0 Spotify playlist. I'm going to a few concerts in the upcoming weeks so I put in a few songs by each of the artists I'll be seeing. They're all going to be so much fun. My first concert is in about two weeks (maybe sooner?) and then the last one is on Halloween. I'm very excited.

Here's what the playlist looks like:

So, a few things about the playlist: I'm not going to see Ralph Vaughan Williams in concert. He is an English composer who is not alive anymore. That song, Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis, is quite possibly the most beautiful thing I have ever heard. During my commute to my internship and back I would only listen to classical music and it's kind of become a habit for me to now only listen to classical music in the car. If there's a game on I will also listen to that but if not, then you know what's going to be playing in my car. Anyhoo, I heard that song the other day when I wasn't feeling well and I think it sort of subsided my headache a little bit. It was magical. I loved it so much I added it to the playlist. 

Also, there are a few repeats from past playlists. Oops. 

Finally, I will be adding a lot more to this playlist. These are just a few noteworthy songs I will be hearing live (except for Fantasia on a Theme by Thomas Tallis of course). 

I'm still trying to figure out how to put a link of some sort to my Spotify page. Can it even be done? Am I just going crazy for no reason over this? Please help.

Until next time,

Caroline

fall accessories wishlist

Remember when I posted about my fall fashion wishlist and I said I would possibly post something about what accessories I had my eyes on for fall? Well, this is it guys!

If I posted every single thing necklace, shoe, and bag that I have been loving then we'd be here for the rest of eternity so I decided on just a few different picks.

Holy cow these boots are amazing (this is funny because they're leather!! Ha!). They're See by Chloe and very expensive but my goodness does it get any better than this? I am a huge believer that black and brown can be mixed and I think this boot is a perfect example. I honestly think I would wear these everyday. There's also a bootie version of this shoe and it is also beautiful. 

I saw this bag on an email that I got from Kate Spade and I thought it was so cute. It might be the black and brown thing, or in this case, black and taupe thing that really drew me to this. I think that's it. I'm sensing a trend here, people. I have a larger tote bag and I have a small cross body bag so this sort of bag that fits somewhere between the two sizes would be great for those in-between days.

Ugh I'm so bummed this picture won't be able to show off the necklace that well but definitely go check it out on the website. It is super cool. While working this summer in an 'Old Town' I walked past many unique door knockers. Some were lions like this necklace, some where pineapples, and some were anchors. All were super cute. I am looking forward to picking out my door knocker for my historical townhouse one day...one day...

Here's something I might actually pick up. These oxfords are from Target and are pretty inexpensive. I tried to get a pair of oxfords last fall but I decided against it to buy groceries or something unimportant like that. I regretted that decision ever since. I just love the way they look. I think I am going to actually commit this fall. I'm excited.

Lastly, I wanted to add in this scarf from h&m because when it gets cold a scarf would be nice to have. This one has such nice colors and go well with both jackets I picked out in my previous post. I am imagining it now...

Those are my accessory picks for fall 2014. If I could afford everything then I'd be purchasing them all right now. Unfortunately, I am a lowly intern who doesn't make any money. I'm hoping that will change soon. Maybe this gave you a few ideas for upcoming birthday presents to me or maybe someone else in your life. 

Until next time,

Caroline

Always. Drink. Water.

Today was my first day of my internship with the organization I internshipped for over the summer's gallery. It started off fine until I felt the beginnings of my period. Remember when I wrote that I get awful craps from my period?? Well, today they struck again but with a vengeance. I guess after being outside yesterday and just generally not drinking enough water I got very dehydrated and almost passed out in the bathroom this morning at my internship. I sat on the ground of the bathroom for about half an hour in pain, sweating up a storm. It was so weird and I never want to feel that again.

Unfortunately, I will still get horrible cramps. I don't think there is much I can do about that but what I can do something about is staying well hydrated. That is why, from now on I vow to drink at least three water bottles a day. Can I do it?? Oh, yes I can! This doesn't seem like a huge challenge but for some reason I'm not already doing this. Last summer I was so unbelievably good at drinking water. What happened??? I really need to get back into that habit.

I'm gonna drink some more of my water bottle right now! Go me.

Until tomorrow,

Caroline